so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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