Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
