My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
