At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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