grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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