Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
