making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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