Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
