the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
