I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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