Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
