You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
id be glad to
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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