I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
