I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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