Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
