best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
