you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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