Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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