i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize