and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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