he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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