I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
