I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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