and my herpes radar will keep us safe
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
