It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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