hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
