Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
