Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
