just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Did I show you my penis last night?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
