I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize