it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
