I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
