The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
