I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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