I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
