Kiss
Puke
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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