So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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