My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
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You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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