Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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