So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
