When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
