Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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