Don't you send me to vm
grandma shit on top of the toilet
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
