I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
