How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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