I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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