I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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