laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
