Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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