In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
