That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
