Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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