At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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