We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
