just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
