I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
