If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
