Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
where are my eyebrows?
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