My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
