Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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