I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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