She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
