everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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