Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
