At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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