your parents love me but you hate me
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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