I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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