There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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