your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
