Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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