Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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