i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
