where am i from again
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
