8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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