Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
