Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
