I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
