If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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