I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
