the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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