We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
